Monday, June 2, 2008

No Subject

You know those emails where you can't think of any subject at all? That's how I feel right now. What subject could I possibly coin for today's unfolding?

I am sitting here on our back porch with the cool breeze blowing early summer sunshine my way. I have already grown to love this outdoor space with our comfy patio furniture and views of nature. I hear countless birds singing their melodies and my Delaney and her new friend next door chattering while they are playing on the swings. I thought for a moment our lives were beginning to settle. We have new daily routines that bring comfort and peace. We had just begun to dig tiny roots into the soil of life again. I thought I could finally breathe.

Last night I received an email from the people we rent this home from that they are losing their primary residence to foreclosure and need to terminate our lease to move in here. I cannot begin to express the feeling of panic I felt reading their words. It began with anger and fear and then moved into sadness and fatigue. Legally we have 60 days per our lease to move, but they are losing their home in 28 days, and so the pressure of another family being homeless makes this situation even more uncomfortable.

I don't need to dwell on the logistic nightmare of this news. We have only been here 3 months. Everything that goes into a move including packing and unpacking, changing utilities and ordering new checks, changing your address on everything and the exhausting physical and emotional work involved was just done. Delaney loves her new room. She loves her new swings and the family of chipmunks. I am settled into working from home. We live a half mile from my parent's house and Delaney's school. I could go on and on.

So, what do I believe today? Has anything really changed? Why were we brought to this house if God knew this was going to happen? Is there something I still haven't really learned about daily manna? I don't have definitive answers from my heart just now. I know in my head all the right things to say, but I don't feel them at all. I do know for sure there is always an unseen story being written behind what I can touch and feel today. It may be weeks or months or even years before I am made to understand, but I will eventually find a place to say "thank you" for even this.

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