Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Gaps

This morning I am sitting here in the quiet space I have carved into my routine, and I am praying. I am lifting up the people my heart is burdened for this morning. Praying for the thousands of orphans in China from the recent earthquake; for my friend, Angie, with so much heavy on her heart as she fights to live and LIVE; for Delaney's teacher, Mrs. Vaudrin and her dear husband, Bryan, who will go to Cleveland Clinic tomorrow to try to find answers from months of pain, high white counts and facing the fear of knowing the news will not be good. Praying for my sister, Alecia, and her tired spirit and her soul, and for a young girl, Sharon Cameron, who I emailed over a year ago after she tried to commit suicide after years of struggle with an eating disorder and now suddenly is back in my life.

And then my husband sends me a message that Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, Maria, was killed in an accident yesterday when her brother backed over her in the driveway. You know Maria, one of the darling little girls they adopted from China. Remember the song When Love Takes You In? I was just thinking of them this morning as my heart was burdened for all those children in China now without parents. I was thinking of the Chapman's amazing crusade for Chinese orphans over the last 8 or so years. I cannot even imagine their grief.

I stop. Is God still good? Is He still in control? Do I really believe?

God sees my heart. He knows that today I am feeling the gaps in my faith. In Susan BanBreathnach's book Simple Abundance she writes about these gaps. She says, "Perhaps the gaps are what make faith possible, especially when the pain is unbearable. If there were no doubt, why would we need faith? Perhaps the doubts must be acknowledged, accepted, embraced, and pushed past before our faith is strong enough, not just to talk about, but to sustain."

Part of this being real with God and with one another is acknowledging the gaps. Yes, even being grateful for what they teach us. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen."

"Lord, help me to pray for these dear ones in faith today. You have promised that even if it the size of a mustard seed it can move mountains. Give me faith."

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